Relaxing Down The Rhine - Palermos Undercover

After escaping from the wine cellar (fortunately for others, we did not have to resort to a distractionary strip-tease) we all boarded the bus to head back down the hill into the town of Heidelberg.

Heidelberg University was the third university established within the Holy Roman Empire and dates to 1386, making it the oldest university in Germany.  It's primarily known for its emphasis on research and has been associated with over 50 Nobel Prize laureates.  Clearly we were out of our league here, but the faux University Doctoral black robes complete with funny little caps and fake Nobel Prize medals helped us blend in completely. We did get stopped by people asking questions in their thirst for knowledge. We answered all the questions quickly and in Latin. Those robes were pretty awesome!

This is the Church of the Holy Spirit which stands in the middle of the marketplace in the old center of town.  Construction of the original building took over 150 years. Then in 1709 it had to be rebuilt when the French set it on fire during the War of Palatinian Succession.

Church of the Holy Spirit

While the church originally contained the tombs of the Palatinate electors, they were destroyed during the fire and today only the tomb of Prince-Elector Rupert III and his beloved wife Elisabeth of Hohenzollem remain.

Tomb of Prince-Elector Rupert III and Elisabeth of Hohenzollem

The church has been used by both Catholics and Protestants at times and in a brilliant example of German efficiency, it is sometimes used by both simultaneously! We keep picturing the masses of people singing hymns, competing to out-do each other like cheering football spectators. In 1706 a partition was inserted (though it's since been removed) so both services could be held without disturbing the other group.

Interior of Church of the Holy Spirit

The town has an interesting bridge over the River Neckar which is a tributary of the Rhine. We especially liked the portcullis. Look at this photo of the bridge rather than Auburn's horrible drawing of the bridge.

A true portcullis ready to drop

Two Palermos with a castle in the background

We walked around a bit just enjoying the town, stealing souvenirs under those long robes (after paying for them, officer!) and finished up enjoying a gelato to stave off impending hunger at a lovely outdoor cafe. Obviously the two of us will waste away if not fed on a regular schedule.

Blondie and Dagwood were late to return, claiming their watches were wrong, but we suspect they were searching for Nobel Robes too. We made it back to the ship for a delicious late lunch on the forward deck.

Our second port of call for the day was Speyer, a town of approximately 50,000 people.  As it was Easter Monday, much of the town was closed for the holiday so our visit was fairly short.

The town is dominated by (surprise!) the Imperial Cathedral Basilica of the Assumption and St Stephen or, as the locals call it, Speyer Cathedral.  It's a UNESCO World Heritage Site (how many is that for this trip?).  It's also known as the Kaiserdom because it contains the crypts of eight German emperors and kings along with assorted queens and bishops.

Speyer Cathedral

As we've come to expect, there have been several versions of the building over the years though the present one maintains the general form and dimensions of the 11th century version.

Speyer Cathedral Interior

With many businesses closed, we just strolled up and down the Maximilianstraße looking at the shops - though we seem to recall cousin Snappy raiding a liquor store somewhere along the way.

Maximilianstraße

That night after dinner we gathered in the lounge to play Name That Tune. Since most of our team members were from Music City, naturally we won. Our prize was a bottle of bubbly, was split 10 ways. Mickey skipped her ration as usual, but was proclaimed a hero for the night for her selfless actions. We reluctantly went back to our room and sent those robes in for cleaning.

Relaxing Down The Rhine - A Hangover With Worms

The next morning our ship docked in Worms (pronounced Vurms in German). Auburn was really happy to find out there was no de-Worming necessary to go sight-seeing. We boarded our bus for the university town of Heidelberg. Like many university towns we expected to see thousands flocking to spring football practice but the region was a bit too hilly to support a football field.

Our first stop was Heidelberg Castle, which overlooks the town. Our guide was a local student actor though by now (18 months later!) we've forgotten his name, but it must be Axel, Fritz, Klaus or Hans. We are nearly 30% certain of that. Auburn had visited the castle in the late 80's was relieved they let her back in after a small tithe to the Castle Guards Retirement fund.

The earliest versions of the castle were built before 1214 though the remains you see now date from 1650.  But in looking at the various buildings inside the keep you can see different architecture from different eras, making for a interesting timeline of styles. Not unlike our own home remodeling efforts.

View of the castle from below

Interior of the castle. Not pictured, the scaffolding just behind the camera.

Different architectural styles are obvious

Every good castle has a moat, right?

 Though the castle was abandoned over 300 years ago, it's still home to the largest wine vat ever constructed. Yes! Vats of wine! We searched for monks' robes to fit in, then remembered this was a castle, not a monastery. The vat is so big that there's even a dance floor on top.  While there's no video evidence (that we know of), it was here that Auburn gained a new moniker: Fannie Heat.  Cries of "Acapulco!" and "Wilson!" could be heard throughout the giant room where the vat resides. Please do not under any circumstances Google "Drunken Monk Striptease" or "Compounding your Interest at Banker Conventions". Thank you.

Looks like a pretty big wine cask, right?

Not as big as this one!

Being a castle, there's always at least one good story.  This one concerns a misguided knight and the beautiful lady of the castle.  As the story goes, the knight was very reluctant to betray his master, despite the lady's advances.  At some point she used a pretense to lure him to her chambers, intent on seduction.  However her husband arrived home unexpectedly and the knight was forced to flee out the window. A third-floor window. And he was still wearing his full suit of armor! He must have been very handsome, but not very bright. He jumped out, landed on terrace and his foot sunk into one of the stones as he made his escape.

The mysterious footprint

Eyeballing the distance from the window to the patio (over a grassy area, no less) this would have been one heck of a leap wearing athletic clothes, much less a full suit of armor.  Still, there is a footprint and good stories never go out of style.  Who says Germans don't have a sentimental romantic side?!

The castle is perched up on a hill overlooking the town of Heidelberg and produces some lovely views.  Our next stop, much like the escaping knight, was the bustling city.

View of Heidelberg town

Heidelberg town and the River Neckar

Relaxing Down the Rhine - There are Lots of Rooms in a Castle

Easter Sunday was one of the highlights of our trip.  We started with an eggscellent Easter Breakfast on board with colorfully dyed & decorated eggs along side a treasure trove of chocolates. A great start to a day with many interesting sights, plenty of relaxing time and an oompah band!

Marksburg Castle

We docked in Koblenz and boarded motor coaches for Marksburg Castle.  It's a magnificent 700-year-old structure that was never conquered due to its position high above a bend in the river and was spared in WW II as it's not really close to a major city.  When you think about typical characteristics of a castle, Marksburg has most of them, except a moat & drawbridge.  Tall castle walls (check), rounded turrets (check), holes in the wall for cannons to shoot from (check), crenelated pattern on top of the walls (check), a torture dungeon (check), cobblestones (check), huge kitchens to feed the masses (check), etc.  Auburn thought the most interesting aspect was the outhouse that was 50' up the castle wall. It was located off the main living quarters and the end results dropped down the wall to what is currently a garden area. Perhaps this is why people sometimes avoid eating vegetables! Everything was quite well preserved and we were fortunate to have docked early so ours wast the only ship was touring while we were there.  The motor coaches then drove us down to Braubach, where the boat had repositioned while we were touring. It was a sunny pleasant day. We saw many locals picnicking for their Easter Dinner along the river.

A lot of mouths to feed in a castle

 After lunch we went up on the sun deck and stretched out on lounge chairs under the canopy.  The scenic Middle Rhine Valley is a UNESCO World Heritage site due to its incredibly dense concentration of castles along the narrow and twisty bends on the river. And boy howdy, we saw about 30 castles in various states from well preserved originals, refurbished hotels and roofless, crumbling walled ruins. The vineyards and small towns interspersed between castles the whole way down the river were charming. Our cruise director, Julie McCoy, narrated the sites over the ship's PA system as we made our way.  The high point of  the trip was the passing of the famous Lorelei, a legendary rock at a particularly tricky sharp bend in the river.  It was very nice to have the sites come to us for a change!  We did have to nudge Il Padrino a few times as the lounge chair was just a little too comfortable to stay awake.

The Lorelei

 Later that afternoon we attended a presentation on other cruises offered by Viking.  We decided there has to be a way to get them to pay us to go on most of them.  After all, Palermos are fun trendsetters! We're sure nobody else wore boas with their life jackets!

That evening we docked in Rudesheim for an optional excursion to a restaurant serving a traditional German dinner.  We boarded a clown car like little tram that drove us through the streets of the cute little town to the restaurant. Auburn thought at one point the locals may pelt us with tomatoes, but they just waved and smiled. We enjoyed a great family style meal and several bottles of wine while the oompah band serenaded us.  After dinner there were audience participation activities and some of us were more than happy to join in. There were long paddles with shot glasses affixed and the ladies of our group (among others) lined up to do group shots.  After the second time we learned to arrange ourselves by height to prevent unnecessary spillage of the schnapps. Dagwood revealed a hidden talent for playing the bass drum when he was selected to help lead the parade around the restaurant. We crookedly wandered back through the streets waving and laughing, a very entertaining evening for all.

Relaxing Down the Rhine - Cologne is not Perfume

Day Three was an opportunity to figure out how to operate various switches in our room for lighting, television and an on demand concierge who looked like Pierce Brosnan, but regrettably sounded like a neutered Bobcat Goldthwait. Hey, a brand new ship will have a few bugs to work out.

By mid-morning we stopped in Cologne. We were divided into groups of about 20 or so and took off on a walking tour. Our guide was Markus, a high school history teacher, who was actually born in the former East Germany area. We were glad it was Easter Saturday and he was available to escort us around an interesting city. He told some wonderful stories about both the architecture and the people who inspired some of the more original ornamental designs included on a number of buildings and sculptures. Cologne was the first Roman settlement and we toured a great museum dedicated to Roman archaeological treasures and several beautiful, nearly completely intact, mosaics.

Mosaic from the German-Roman Museum

The cathedral in Cologne (the Kölner Dom) is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and is the most visited landmark in Germany. It's massive and difficult to capture in a single photo. And we tried. From a number of angles. Both during the day and again at night. Construction began in 1248 continued on and off for 7 centuries. It was completed in 1880 and largely escaped damage during the fierce bombing during WWII most likely because it was an excellent reference point to find other targets.

The Kölner Dom in Cologne

Cologne was where Auburn's mother's family stayed after fleeing their family farm when the Communists came through their village. Auburn's Mom and Aunt, 15 & 14 years old, were lucky enough to find jobs at the local chocolate factory. They were allowed to eat all the "defective" chocolate they could find. After 3 days her aunt had had enough but her mom continued to embrace the Chocolate Diet. The money they were able to earn helped the family gain passage  to the USA three short years later.

Sadly, not actually made of chocolate

We had a lovely afternoon strolling through the town and checking out whatever caught our fancy. Of course that included The Chocolate Museum.Just as a point of clarity here, the museum is not actually MADE of chocolate, not a single bit. We spent a fair amount of time browsing the gift shop and debating which large chunk of heaven we should bring back to the ship. Shockingly, we didn't need to worry about how to get any of this through customs on the way back home.

We were going to eat on shore, but being a holiday weekend and the weather just beautiful, the restaurants were overrun. So we hopped back on board to grab a light lunch and rest up for more exploring. After dinner we went back into town to try again to capture the Dom in photos, but  settled at one of the many outdoor cafes for a drink and to soak up the ambiance and music in one of the old squares. The Dom Bells rang out and we tried again to get some night shots, but it was too big and dark. But we did sneak in as the priests had shut off the interior lights and were trying to shoo out the final tourists and worshipers. It was bigger and way scarier at near midnight with only the occasional candles and low wattage lighting near the exit. We just hoped the Hunchback ringing the bells had a bit longer on his shift that night. We wandered back toward the ship to see the amusement park across the river with the rides all lit up and  a fireworks show as a closing finale. It was a great day, especially when Auburn provided a ball gag for the on demand concierge.

Relaxing Down The Rhine - Windmills and Dutch Treats

When we awoke after our first night aboard, we found ourselves up at the crack of dawn in the Dutch town of Kinderdijk (KIN-der-dike).  It's home to 16 windmills built in the 1740s and is a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It was deceptively sunny to start and a cool breeze was arriving to propel the sails around and around. We made our way past a very modern electric pump house that was capable of pumping 4 times the amount pumped by the Windmills. In the background of the rising sun stood the 16 Windmills, sentinels of a steadfast faith in engineering to shift the water from canals into fields to feed families and foster an interesting and unique culture.

There were some differences in how the windmills were constructed. Windmills, versions 1.0 and 2.0 if you will, consisting of 8 of each type. Most of the differences were based on the amount of lumber available. Auburn thought it was really cool that the caretaker of the windmill really did wear wooden shoes.  We toured a mill and learned a family with at least 6 children operated the mill. When we looked at the living quarters, we're not sure how any adults actually slept in the tiny little beds. A stark reminder of the difficult life in a time in the not so distant past. Lastly, we toured a steam powered pump house that replaced the windmills. This was where we learned how and why the water was pumped and transferred. After exiting through a couple of gift shops with postcards, lapel pins and a package of windmill cookies, we headed back on board.

Boas!

Before being allowed to have lunch, we had to participate in our ships "Safety Briefing". Naturally this demanded not only life jackets, but also Boa Feathers! We like to believe this set the jovial and festive tone for the entire trip. You're Welcome, Viking Bestla!

After a nice lunch, we explored the ship a bit enjoying the front sun deck off the lounge area before we headed off for a short nap to help reset our clocks to Dutch time.

Then we met in the lounge before dinner to get information for the next day's sites and tours. After dinner we listened to a presentation on Dutch Masters of art, sampled some authentic Dutch Cheeses and a delicious Dutch liquor made from juniper berries called Jenever. The next morning Auburn renamed the evening "The Dutch Revenge".

Relaxing Down the Rhine - The Beginning

If it's Spring on the calendar, but still really Winter according the number of layers of our clothing, then it is absolutely time for a Palermo getaway.  But where to go? Fortune had smiled upon us in the form of a 2-for-1 coupon for a Rhine River Cruise. We had hoped a leisurely tour of The Netherlands (which isn't as dirty as Auburn first hoped), Germany, France and Switzerland would be far enough away to let things calm down at home before we returned. So we jetted off separately into the night. Mickey had booked a luxurious Business Class seat, complete with slippers, delicious food and room to stretch out for a nice nap. Meanwhile, Auburn had booked through the ship and ended up crammed into the overhead compartment of a charming 300 lb Albanian Monk. But on her last flight,  Auburn had a lovely view of beautiful tulip fields during a pristine morning descent into Amsterdam. We had planned to rendezvous at the ship's swanky first class lounge. However a series of unfortunate events changed our dreams. Skeeziks Palermo was "detained by certain agencies."  Her "detention" or as she called it "work commitments" voided our coupon while Mickey played the Dutch version of Hide & Go Seek featuring a taxi and our ship. As a result unable to make the precision timing of our mission to secure unlimited quantities of Wine, retirement Castles and Chocolate, so we ended up in a charming compartment named "Le Broome Closet." 

By the time the Dos Palermos had unpacked, we were able to lunch  aboard our Viking longship. Never ones to pass up a free (well, included) meal we made sure to fill our plates and double up on caffeine as we'd need it to stay awake the rest of the day.

A parking garage - for bicycles!

We'd signed up ahead of time for a canal sightseeing cruise so we set off in search of the correct dock. We improvised a tour of the waterfront and the train station, when we had been unable to find the shortcut through it. We miraculously avoided cars, trucks, buses, and zipping bicycles to finally locate the ticket office and queued up in line for another 45 minutes before boarding our tour boat.

Centraal Terminal & canal tour boats

The tour was in English after the recorded messages in Dutch and German. We did learn some things and it was very peaceful. Both Dutch and German languages are known for their lilting qualities. So tranquil that both of us nodded off at various times. While we enjoyed the tour perhaps a nap would have been a better use of our time. We'd tentatively planned to visit the Anne Frank house but that wasn't going to happen on this trip. Amsterdam is a lovely blend of Old European charm mixed with the calming romance of the Canals of Venice and the unique individuality of Seattle that requires more than a sleepy afternoon to appreciate fully. So it has been added to our list of places to revisit and explore more fully. Regrettably out of energy, we headed back to the ship to meet up with the rest of the gang, err group.

The rest of the group included several we'd cruised with before including Il Padrino & his wife, our cousin Sneeky Palermo and cousins Snappy, Sleenky and Sandy, as well as Curmudgeon and Blondie & Dagwood.

It turned out that this was our ship's maiden voyage and the rest of the group had arrived so early in the morning that they were the ship's very first guests! We were all given certificates to indicate we didn't sink and destroy it, so it must be true. We settled into our cabins had dinner and we all turned in early, ready for a good night's sleep serenaded by a propeller lullaby.

Our brand new ride - the Viking Bestla

Palermos Tame the West

Mickey and Auburn visited Yellowstone in June. Enjoy the photos! We suggest you click on the link above the book to view it in full-screen mode.

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