Nashvegas Day 3: Beware the Purple Foas on the Ides of March

Sunday the 15^th, aka The Ides of March
(aka, did we even HAVE calendars when we booked this trip?!)

Although now slightly worried about Miss-ing Holt, the Palermo Sisters awoke Sunday morning bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready for a major chow down with their ski club at the local chuck wagon. Displaying their best Southern manners, nobody from the club expressed visual or verbal surprise that Sleezy or Skeezy were 'steele alive and kicking,' much less wearing brightly colored foas to a black-foa establishment. Shucks, these folks are just too nice. Naturally, Sleenky, the hostess with the mostest, had picked the BEST eatery in all the South and we each left 15 lbs heavier--- until we set our purses down. These purloined desserts sure will taste good on the trip home!

With a few hours left of their Tennessee Adventure, we pondered the list of things to do:
Sleezy: What educational attractions do you have in this neck of the woods? I need to balance all this entertainment out with some good ol' fashioned US history lessons.

Sneezy: I know! The Hermitage, home of Andrew Jackson, our 7th president. TN also provided our 11th and 17th pres---

Skeezy: Hermitage?! What do we want with a bunch of hermits? We had enough trouble with those pesky monks back in Italy!

Sleenky: Well y'all, I need to get back to one of my five jobs so I can pay off the State of Tenn. for having brought you here. Give me a ring before the Sweeps adventure!

Apparently even dead Southerners display hospitality par excellence as Andrew Jackson was kind enough to have been born on March 15th, giving us half price admission fees and a special ceremony. Sweet tea, ladies, we're goin' in on the cheap!

While we packed for our journeys home, Miss Holt turned up, fresh from a trip to Nashville's NBC affiliate station, WSMV. As she explained to Skeeziks, she was feeling much better after a chat with the local Nielsen family and the station head, both of who'd promised her she'd not be itchy for much longer if they had any say. Let us hope that Cracker Barrel and Crescent Home Furnishings supply enough advertising dollars to the Network that these kind folks have some sway!

Tragically, there isn't much else to report on the Palermo Sisters as their failure to notice the ever-increasing foas came at a deadly price. When Good Foas Go Bad, Film at 11:00:











































Be sure to tune in for the next adventure, "Zombie Sisters Reunited: The Lure of the Undead" (sounds like a Raymond Chandler novel).

Nashvegas Day 2: Country, Men and Moonshine

Saturday the 14^th, March
(“Because the only thing worse than Friday the 13^th is Saturday the 14^th):

Morning:

Skeezy: Ack, what hour is it? This time zone, please. Nevermind, zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Sneezy: 8 AM, rise and shine!
Sleezy: (from a prone position on the floor air mattress) Where’d all the foas go?!
Sneezy: I left them all on top of the --- they’re gone!

What Foas Do in the Night:

Aftermorning:

Not awake enough to question it, Sleezy, Skeezy and Sneezy left the foas out on the balcony figuring a) it'd be easier to find our way back to the room with multi-colored railings and b) we could save $$ on future foas if they kept on multiplying.

We dressed sans foas and boarded the General Lee---Jackson----Lee-Jackson---- where good eatin', mad fiddlin' and Ski Club Bob awaited to personally entertain us.

Turns out everybody in Nashville is in the country music business either as a musician, a wannabe musician or a cousin. Much to her horror and Janet DisMay, Mickey's good ol' Cousin Kenny popped up later at the Grand Ole Opry with his special rendition of Smother Me With the Pillow from My Heart. Aunt Daisy always did spoil that boy.
Not to be outdone by Sneezy's country connections, Skeezy grabbed ahold of a King (hunka hunka plastic, baby!) and Sleezy sought out the boys from Hee Haw:

We even found an early photo of Pierce in the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum.

He didn't look a thing like we'd expected!

After a long, hard day of country music, country food and country air, Sleenky decided we could all use a night on the town so we headed off to downtown Nashville for --- more country music, country food and country air. The line at Charlie Daniels' The Auburn Went Down to Georgia Honky Tonk was too long so we made ourselves at home in The Pitchfork and Pick-Up Saloon followed by The Three-Fiddles. Skeeziks had been hoping for a spin on a blue suede piano but much to Sleenky's relief, the YeeHaw Piano Bar had been warned about us by a certain piano player from a certain Carnival cruise ship and they refused our entry.

Miss Holt, ever the classy one, sought out the Moonshine and Mayhem Fine Dining and Cocktails Lounge to forget her equal parts trouble with Messrs Gleason, Steele and Johnson/Presley. She had steele not returned to the Opryland Hotel by the time the Palermo Sisters crawled in after 2 AM.

Previously on The Boggs Blog...

~~~ Last year ~~~~~~~~

When last we saw the Palermo Sisters, they’d re-entered the US (somewhat legally) after purloining Vatican artifacts, creating an all out international ruckus and attempting to reverse the Cannes Agreement with a romantic setting, a piano bar birthday date and a whole lot of alcohol. As Mildred beat down the lovebirds’ door, Gleason slid an unmarked set of replacement pages under the door. ::Fsssst!:: Operation Steele Chastity was reborn.

~~~We return you now to the current season ~~~~~~~~

Sleenky: I need character development. How can I get a recurring guest role on this blog? I know! I’ll lure the foa’d gals down here with my Southern hospitality and fifth job perks.


Sleezy: I really need to get out of this frozen Chicago burb. I think I’ll go to Iowa for business, San Diego for family and Nashville for NAR. That’s No Apparent Reason to the uninitiated.

Skeezy: Sun, sun & more sun. Los Angeles is so devoid of weather and country music. Where can I find some good fiddling and solid wind chill factor?

Sneezy: Time to visit the parents, Mr. and Mrs. Sneezy, without staying with them. How can I defray room costs?

Foas: We need to get out more, spread our feathers, let our ropes down and multiply like crazy!

A plan was hatched...

Friday the 13th, March:
Having left her Jeep in the careful hands of the LAX malvados, Skeeziks took Sleenky’s bait, grabbed a St. Paddy’s foa and boarded a plane for Opryland. Elsewhere in the country, Auburn barreled down the Midwest counting used cows and singing “So when you're near me, Darling can't you hear me?, S.O.S” and Mickey baked (err, cut, separated and heated) cookies, made the obligatory parental visit and leisurely headed over to the airport to retrieve the sure-to-be-frozen Skeeziks from the 45 degree TN evening. Somehow, Auburn was the first to the hotel and was found in the giant Opryland lobby sipping moonshine spiked sweet tea.

When we last saw our famous pair of Holt and Steele, they were also disembarking the cruise ship with the ever interrupting Krebs reciting lines fed to her by one Michael Gleason who was being admonished in equal parts by NBC network wonks and irate fans. This led to a small misdirection where the duo escape to the frigid Midwest. But once again Krebs was hot on the trail. So Laura ended up in a small suitcase speeding down I-65 having to endure an off keyed karaoke sing-a-long to the Mamma Mia! soundtrack six times. Mr. Steele had called in when Sleezy and Laura were packing, sounding horribly sick while watching “Thirty Seconds over Tokyo”. Laura swore she heard a champagne cork pop in the background.

Upon arrival in Nashville, Laura decided to repair some of the auditory assault, by ditching the girls of four east wing of Opryland and then heading off to find out if Don Johnson was moonlighting as Elvis in some Second Ave dive.

As the Palermo Sisters slept off their drunken or sugared reunion, a single, purple foa stole silently out into the night to adorn the balcony railing.

When Foas Attack

Things Overheard during the Palermo Sisters' Nashville Weekend:
1. WHERE the @#%$^@ is our hotel room! (The Opryland Hotel is huge! Oh wait, there it is.)

2. "Lady" get out of the fountain. It's not a hot tub!
3. Go ahead and blow, Skeez.

More to follow....